SAT-Part 3-I've No Idea WHat To Call It

Ads-Public service announcement paid for by ETS-Contrary to public belief, ETS(Creator of the SAT) is not a profit-making organization. It is an NPO. Any alleged theory that ETS has a pool the size of Bill Gate's entire mansion or that the manager has a private jet or that the founder has three sons that each had a full score is absolutely and completely false.


Notes(1):If you are confused by the title, it's because I can't think of a better title

Notes(2):Check out Alcibade's website if you want some really hard riddles.
Notes(3):Also, please check my blog more regularly. I'll post more from now onwards.
Notes(4):Check out the Dilbert comics, conveniently located as a widget on my blog
Notes(5):A lot of people asked me if and what I watch on TV(as if that's the prime element of inspiration for intellect and humor). The answer is yes, but there's no specific program I enjoy(unless you count the highly intelligent Japanese anime Death Note), so don't bother watching those programs thinking that you could gleen off highly intelligent humor from them.

Note(6):Yes, I know all these notes are annoying

 After a while and no more signs, we all decided(by virtue of everybody(Read:nobody) agreeing to do so) to head back to the original waiting area. They were just going in line for the different rooms of the SAT(The real rooms, this time).  We waited for quite some time. It was all really suspenseful. 

 Then, we got the tests.*The first portion was the essay. The essay question was about the advantages and disadvantages of progress. 

 Let's just say that I prefer the old times because you don't have to take tests in the good old days. Nor do you have to take the essay. Nor do you have to have 24 nerve-ridden minutes at a state of mental shutdown and then make up a lousy essay doomed to mediocrity(even if it had enough time to be finished, which wasn't the case)in the remaining minute. 

How I missed the good old days.

*it's one of the rules of the universe that when the suspense is high, the actual thing to be suspenseful for is rarely worth the suspense**

**Try to say that 5 times fast. 

***Actually, I didn't do that bad.(Out of 800)

630 Writing 85th percentile

680 Math     91st percentile

770 Critical Reading 99th percentile 

SAT-Part 2-The infernal daymare, aka, peer pressure

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 Anyway, I got off the car and entered the mysterious maze of a testing center-my school. I looked at everybody else in the waiting hall. Nobody else seemed to be doing anything or know where we were supposed to be going. Except one person (in a green T-shirt). He seemed to be moving purposefully in a North-north-west direction(Yes, my calculator had a compass program. As the chief engineer of the Titanic's friend* once said, you could never be too over-prepared**.) Anyway, I followed him, hoping that he knew where we were supposed to be going. Then, I noticed a few more people. And then a few more. By the time we were halfway down the hall, there was at least a hundred students. By the time we were almost there(wherever there is), approx. half of the total number of examinees were following us. Then we hit a dead end. 

 With so many people, it took quite a while for everybody to notice that. Then, there was silence. Absolute silence. The seven seconds of silence*** were finally broken by somebody in the back shouting: "Why are we here??" Always glad to enlighten, I replied: "Some believe that our ancestors were created by God in his image and to serve his will, others believe that we were reincarnated from previous lives depending on karma, a few even believe that it's all a random fluctuation of probability particles; personally, I'm more of the Chuananity sect, which holds that all of us are currently undergoing the most complicated virtual reality experience in the software of t-"

 Somebody rudely interrupted my sermon by saying: "Dude, not why we are here in general, the question is why are we here in this dead end with a mild smell of old cabbage" Oh, I thought. Everybody begin to jabber.

"Well, I was going here because everybody else seemed to be moving, and"

"Lots of people were going in this direction"

"I thought, hey, follow the majority and you can't go wrong"

"I saw my friend walking there with them, and I thought hey, why not"

"I followed those five people, and then it seemed like there was a lot of other people as well, so I knew this was the right direction-

And so on and so forth. After a very long time, the evidence narrowed down to me. I pointed to the guy in the green T-shirt and explained. We all looked at him, hoping that there was a logical explanation. He explained that he was going to the bathroom, but then noticed that everybody else was going in this direction and decided that something important is going on. 

Finally, it all became clear. 

It dawned to all of us that we were here by the will of God.

* a friend of the engineer, not the engineer of the friend. Sorry for the ambiguity. 

**Unfortunately, he was met with ridicule. 

***Hey!It's an alliteration!

Doing the SATs Part 1

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Quotes: "The Slimy Atrocious Torture(SATs) is the greatest weapon ever to endanger mankind"-upyourscore.com

I took my SATs on May 3rd. In case you just crawled out of a cave in Bangladesh from the second century and don't know what the SATs are, it's only one of the most traumatic experiences ever suffered by a high school student. The Slimy Atrocious Torture  consists of extremely complex and mind-blowing questions in reading, writing and mathematics lasting to a total of a grueling, 225 minutes. Yes, you heard right. 225 minutes!!! Of all the forms of torture(and if you ever talked to Yuanmashita, there are quite a few) invented by mankind(including waterboarding, lynching, getting your toenails pulled one by one and 4th period  english class without a pillow), this is easily the worst.

  So how did mine SATs go?One word:lousy. With a capital L(and an o and an u and a s and a y, but let's not go there)

 First, I was just a teeny little bit nervous, so I didn't sleep well. As in really didn't sleep well. As in, took five hours  to sleep and when I did sleep, I had a dream about Adolf Hitler and ETS conspiring to create the perfect race through  the natural magnetism in 2B pencils(don't ask), so when there were a few hundred of those sharp, nasty weapons pointed at me, I did the only logical thing under the circumstances :I woke up screaming.*

 Secondly, when I woke up, I realized that I  might have forgotten a few things in my zeal to remember all the SAT words like luminous, embark, insipid, accessories, unconventional, dearth, enthrall, lousy, censure, timorous, and, well, you get the point. For starters, saving time by simultenously brushing your teeth and eating is not a good idea. And being creative on the day of the test by wearing your socks as a hat is probably a big no-no, too. And don't get me started on the advantages of respiration.**At 7.25, it was time to go.

So with my test off to a flying start, I cheerfully climbed into my father's car(had to try a few times before I realized that the trunk wasn't the entry point. and he drived me into the the SAT testing grounds(turns out to be my school)

*If you ever Google SAT and nightmares, you'll realize I'm not the only one.

**Really, you'll be amazed at the comforts other humans take for granted

SATs

I tried my hand at the SAT s. I got 915(SAT s are based on 1600). According to the manual, it is good enough to get into a really good university with certain minor application details(includes, among others, community service for 30 hours per week, being the high school prom king/queen, a GPA average of 4.8/5.0, star at professional football, being the child of the president of the US and making bribes worth over 4 million).

So anyway, I couldn't fill out all of the requirements(wonder why) so I had to try again. Anyway, two months later, my new grades had good news and bad news. Good news and bad news. Good news:I got 1400 points this time. Bad news: It's upon 2400. So anyway, I bought a book called "SAT s for dummies." The dude said something on the lines of follow your instincts of "consistency is everything."

So anyway, I tried again and I couldn't get the first Question. So I skipped it. And of course, I followed that dude's advice.



And he made me get a the lowest possible score. D@#$