OK, 'tis time of the year again where people celebrate Satan's birthday by wearing lousy costumes, asking for treats, and going to totally awesome parties. Which, mysteriously enough, I did not participate in. *pauses* Could be that I didn't get an invitation, but hey. Anyway, back to the main point.
I never understand horror movies and books and stuff. I mean, the point of the average movie is that you're supposed to identify with the main character and somehow pretend, for the two or three hours of the movie, that you're like him/her. And of all the different movie types, horror is the only type I could not see myself in. (OK, fine, I can't imagine myself being an action hero either(very minor problem of weak muscles). And yeah, I guess can't really see myself as a savior of the universe either. Of course people will laugh if I try to be a star in a romance movie. And no, I'm just not too cut-out to be a drama-type. If there's a mystery involved, my first instinct will probably be to arrest the most obvious criminal(the practice of which would be very useful for real detectives, but has the suspense level of the average fall from a 3-step stair)
*pauses*
As a matter of fact, the only type of scenario in which I would actually act like the protagonist is in a comedy movie...and that's only if I don't try to be funny. I guess that means I really don't have a life...
*pauses again* But that's really F%^&ing beside the point. The point is that while it is apparently easy(for most people, at least), to pretend to be, say, James Bond, horror presents a totally different scenario. Ignoring all the people who don't matter, there would be only two real possible options for a guy to empathize with.
The Killer and the Victim.
I'm just gonna guess, for the sake of common sense here, that nobody wanna be the victim 'cause not a lot of people enjoy getting their heart ripped out, slowly morphing into a rat, or having their blood splatter spectacularly on the screen in full high definition 3D, complete with creepy music and totally realistic sound effects.
So the only choice left is the Killer. Which is just a little bit scary, since there would be 3 or 4 million moviegoers who constantly enjoy the sadistic effects of their hooks grappling the poor guy, their knives ripping out a girls' heart, their teeth sucking out blood, their slime oozing and killing and eating. Creepy.
And you know what's the worst part? These horrormoviephiles(as I like to call them), are totally, completely anonymous. You never know where they'll strike.
So you could be at a grocery store, standing in line while a weird dude's in front of you. You could be thinking "Goddamn it, he's staring at me!I hope he's not gay...". And he'll be thinking: "That guy has a weird look to him. I'll so enjoy sacrificing his heart to the Aztec gods."
Which is why I hate horror movies.
PS. Who said that you can't get paranoid without pot?
