A Girl I Like-Part 6

"This is a random quote"-random guy

This is the really complicated story of what happened yesterday:


So, anyway, I was just standing in the lunch line, minding my own business when a black African American dude(I forgot his name. Sorry) came up to me and asked me if I liked Karen(not her real name). Anyway, I considered lying but decided against it.

I was wondering if she liked me. She said yes. Well, technically, she didn't say it to me in person. She said it to that guy I was referring to earlier(The Whats-his-name guy). Well, technically, it was more of a implication than actually referring to me. Well, technically, it was more of a slight tilt of the head than actual words. Well, technically....oh, forget it. The point is, she said yes!!!yeah!

Anyway, that whats-his-name dude called me and said (in a loud voice), "She said yes!!!" Which is kinda weird. I walked toward them a few steps, but decided against it. I looked at them. She was kinda looking everywhere but me(Gee, maybe she has an eye problem. I'll call the optician or something). He was giving me an expectant look. It went on for about half a minute. I finally became a bit curious(Right).

Me:Am I supposed to do something??!
Him:Yeah..Go on, hug her. You know you want to.

I looked at her. She looked at me. Wait, that's kinda grammatically incorrect. It's more like she gave me a look than looked at me. Trust me, there's a difference. A big one. The point is, I decided not to push my luck after all. Hm. Wonder why.

Anyway, after a while in the lunch line(Translation:25 minutes. Maybe my school's cafeteria is just a little bit inefficient), I got my food and walked towards her table. A chair next to her is empty. How thoughtful. I said hi. She said hi back. I kinda got tongue-tied. But that's okay. Maybe she thinks I'm the strong but silent types. Maybe. I doubt it, but hey. I ate my lunch in silence. After only a few minutes, the bell rang. Man, is time short around here.

Today, I looked for her and she was absent. Maybe she eewent to s an optician after all.

Worst jobs out there

Note that this accompanies the previous posts by listing some of the worst jobs out there.


5)Assistant to the Bosses' Son
Description:Not the easiest job in the world
Exceptions to the Rule:You really want to change companies

4)Job: Skunk Roadkill Removal Team
Description: Doesn't exactly smell like roses.

Exceptions to the Rule: a)You have no sense of smell b)You need an explanation for your body odor c)You REALLY need a job

3)Job: Assasins Target Practice
Description: Not exactly the safest job in the world. Quite the opposite in effect. It really is a little dangerous. And you better hope the guy who practice on you is a new guy AND he didn't play too much counter-strike. Good luck!

Exceptions to the Rule:You are real fast. Or real lucky. Or you wanna die. Or all three.


2)Job:Nuclear Weapons Sensitivity Detector.
Description: Really, really, bad. Trust me. You'll either die or have a possibility of genetic mutation(or leave your decedents with eleven toes)

Signs that your boss is trying to trick you into this job:"We need you to help us do a field test on one of our industrial products. Don't worry, the inspectors had a glowing report"

Exceptions to the Rule: a)You are insane b)You really hate your wife. c)Your life is so desperate that you'll risk almost certain death with a chance of being a superhero d)You are already about to die and wants to save a few watts for the funeral. e)You love practical jokes and you hate the undertaker

1)Andy's Operator
Description: Low pay, low possibility of promotion, high chances of dying or getting fired or both(often simultaneously), what more do you want?

Exceptions: Easy, Virtually Guaranteed, painfully humiliating death-seekers.

Best jobs out there

Like, I was talking about my future career with my guidance counselor. Actually, he was talking and I was trying to stay awake. Which might not be exactly the same thing, but hey. Anyway, I went home and thought about it, and I came up with the five best jobs I could think of(Listed in no particular order).

1. Bill Gate's Hedge Fund Manager.
Explanation: The commission is just brilliant. Even if it's only .1%, that's still a couple thousand a day. And don't let me get started on the benefits...
Suitable Personalities:Math geeks. Or at least non-flunkers. Accidentally forget to add a few 0s and you are in real trouble

2.Professional Executioner.
The wages are real high, and unlike other high-paying jobs like doctors or lawyers, there's no real responsibility. I mean, the dude's gonna die anyway, so why bother? You don't need any job training either. How hard is it to push the button?
Suitable Personalities: Just about anyone. A lot of people need to see their personal psychiatrist after a job, but psychiatrists aren't that expensive after all. Bonuses if you are Yuanmashita(saves psychiatrist fees AND could actually celebrate after each job)

3.Computer game tester
You get paid to play games months before your friends. Need I say more?
Suitable Personalities:People who know how to turn on a computer.

4. Lifeguard for swimsuit models.
Besides the obvious visual benefits, you can earn some spare cash by bringing your cell phone camera alone(Opps. Shouldn't have said that). Anyway, unlike other jobs, you actually want real work for this job. Hey, how cool is it to give a mouth-to-mouth?
Suitable Personalities: You gotta have some muscles so people can actually believe you are a lifeguard(but don't rule out hot air balloons on interview day).

5. Operator at automated refilling stations.
Not much pay, but no work at all!
Suitable Personalities:Anyone who don't mind a minor stench. Or the occasional fireball.

Answers, Ratings and Explanations to Previous Post

Note:Refer to previous post.

Correct Answers as Follows:
1.b
2.a
3.e
4.d
5.c
6.a
7.d
8.d


Explanations:
1)I'm a com nerd. Need I say more?

2) 'Cause I feel like it, that's why

3)None of the above. Shoot Yuanmashita. Twice.

4)I don't have a good reason. Juat a personal preference.

5)I'm a guy who writes, blogs and talks but I'm not much of a 'doer'

6)He's a great singer! All of his parodies are funny!

7)It's a sad truth I have to bear with.

8)Okay, so maybe this question isn't exactly subjective

Rating:
0 correct~You don't know me. Really.
1 correct~That was pure luck
2 to 3 correct~You know me. albeit barely
4 to 7~You are a good friend of mine.
8~Now where exactly did you put the spy camera?

How well do you know me?

Okay, this post might seem just a little(okay, maybe more than a little) selfish/narcissistic but I'm wondering how well you, like, know me. To answer this complicated, philosophical, question, just answer some Q's on the following quiz.(write the answers on a Notepad/Typepad and refer to tehm on the next post.)

1. Which of the following do I love the most?
a)My house
b)My com
c)Sports
b)books
e)none of the above

2. What would be the square root of negative pi?
a)dunno
b)dunno
c)dunno
d)dunno
e)none of the above

3. In a situation where I'm stuck in an locked room with Hitler, Stalin, King Kong and Yuanmashita and a gun with two explosive bullets, what do I do?
a)shoot Hitler and Stalin
b)Shoot Stalin and Yuanmashita
c)Pauses to reflect...and BOOM!
d)Shoot the chandelier with one bullet, the lock with the other, and RUN!
e)none of the above

4) Which one of the following is my favorite games?
a)Warcraft and World of Warcraft
b)Counterstrike and Delta Fighter
c)Heli Attack and Minesweeper
d)Pardus and Civ IV
e)none of the above

5) If there's a guy with a "Kick me" sign on his back, what do I do?
a)Politely inform him of the information
b)Kick him once, then stop
c)Add a "Punch me" sign as well.
d)Kick him. And keep kicking. Even when he removes it.
e)none of the above

6) Which of the following is my favorite singer?
a)Weird Al
b)50 Cents
c)Hubert
d)Britney Spears
e)none of the above

7) Which of the following is the reason I gave for society's lack of funny nerds?
a)The two personalities don't match, like an amoeba that's allergic to water.
b)The unfortunate tendency for our kind to die unnatural deaths
c)The inability to find a mate.
d)all of the above
e)none of the above

8) Why did I create such a boring test?
a)Because I am a @#%$ing idiot.
b)Because I feel like it, that's why.
c)No idea.
d)No idea, but it's a perfectly good reason.
e)none of the above

Answers and explanations are given on the next post.

Funny comics and youtube movies

Dilbert videos

Boring stuff

Note:Do not read this if you think 1+2=3

Ads-Bored to death? Need a vacation? Go here now for more details!!

Have you ever been bored enough to be blogging in a boring blog with only a few, presumably dumb readers(so dumb that they didn't even realize I called them dumb!)?

Well, I had. It's an intriguing and shocking experience that honestly tests the limits of humanity. I mean, why do people stay alive despite stuff that would honestly bore just about everybody to death? That's THE QUESTION. Gee, I am bored. And a bit upset. it's a delicate balance. Being bored but not too bored so that I wouldn't think about stuff that really upsets me. Trying to do something that will mildly intrigues me so that I wouldn't get too bored and starts thinking.

It's hard. So, anyway, I'm settled on typing to idiotic blog-readers with nothing to do. That means every reader of this blog except you, who's smarter than all the other readers.

I made you feel superior, didn't I?

Murphy's Stupid Law

Quote: "If something can go wrong, it will go wrong"- Eddie Murphy

I kinda sat down at Karen's table yesterday. I thought it would be pretty straightforward. Like, sh either likes me or don't and would tell me directly. Of course, there's Murphy's stupid law to contend with. I subconsciously knew something like this might have happened, but I didn't really believe it.


I was kinda nervous so my voice was a bit smalll
Me: Like, hi
Her: ....
Me: Did you see my letter?
Her: .....
Me: Do you, erm.. like me?
Her: ....
Me: Could you, like, say something?
Her: ....
Me: Just try to answer my question. Yes or no?
Her: ......
Me: The suspense is killing me
Her: ....
Me: Could you at least look at me?
Her: ....
Me: This conversation is not going the way I expected.
Her: ..........

To make it worse, everybody from her table(and quite a few from other tables) were looking at us from the corner of their eyes(sometimes without the corner part). Gee. Perhaps today isn't going to be the best day of my life after all.

A girl I like-Part 5

Note:I'm kinda tired of saying this, but the names of this post, as with all others on my blog, are concealed to protect privacy. So don't, for instance, expect her name to actually be Karen(Although it could be something close)


I gave Karen a love letter on Friday.

Well, actually I gave one to her several weeks ago. But she didn't reply. There's a lot of possible reasons for that. Since I put the piece of paper in her jacket's hood, she probably didn't notice it. Or maybe she hadn't thought of unfolding that origami. Or maybe she couldn't read Chinese. Or maybe she hadn't thought of de-coding the invisible ink. Or my invisible ink pen had broken and it became literally invisible. Or maybe it's a mirror-writing thing. Or, well, you get the idea.

So I thought I'd be just a little bit more direct this time. So I wanted to write a love letter(a real one this time, not just "I love you" in mirror-written, invisible, Chinese). So I was kinda out of ideas. I asked my friend Andy for help. In retrospect, Andy's almost the last person a dude would ask for help and advice for this type of stuff. But I wasn't thinking clearly. So here went
our brilliant conversation

Me:Like, I need help, for y'know...
Him: Use humor. It helps lighten the situation.
Me: Really?
Him: For instance, compare her face with a b-
Me:Hey!!
Him: It's a figure of speech. It worked for me..
Me: Really.
Him: Yeah. My group leader always forced me to do all the work on the project and stuff. After I made that figure of speech in public, so far, she hadn't made me type a single extra letter than I have to.
Me: I hate to break it to you, but that's not the type of relationship I want.
Him:Oh.Oops.

Anyway, in the end, it took me quite a while to figure out what to write. After some time, I got a good idea and wrote what I liked about her(for obvious reasons, I wouldn't disclose what I wrote).

So I put the letter I wrote in her book bag. The end.

Oh, and I just realized I forgot to put my name. Oops.

By the way, I Googled "Love poems" and none of them seem to be funny, not even a little bit. So I created my own. Note:If, for some reason, you know her real name, the poem probably sounds better if you use her real name instead of 'Karen'

There's this girl I really like
(Her name's Karen Li).
Which really kinda suck
'Cause I don't think she like me

Whenever she smile her beautiful smile,
I feel like I flown up at least a mile
It could be kind of dangerous,
Especially if a guy's not too cautious

I thought I'll write her a letter,
My friend Andy suggested humor.
I can't think of anything better,
So I followed as per rumor.


I want to write more of this poem,
But I have writer's block
So right here I'll stop this poem,
And I'll finish it some other time

_________________________________________
The poem is kinda lousy, but I don't think it will win any "Lousy Poem of the Year" awards yet. Too bad.

Seriously though, she would probably reply tomorrow. I hope you guys could wish me luck. Really. Personally, I'm optimistic. After all, what's the worst thing that can happen? There's only two foreseeable scenerios:
1)She likes me. Obviously, that's the Best Case Scenario.
2)She'll privately (or get her friend) to inform me that she doesn't. In which case, I'll at least know for sure and wouldn't actually be worse off than I am right now.
Either way, nothing too bad can come out of this.


Of course, there's still Murphy's stupid Law to contend with

Signs that your school isn't as great as you think it is

Here are subtle signs that your school might be a tad unsuitable.
Note:I know the basic idea isn't too original. So sue me.
1)The teacher is just a little sadistic.
Example given;
"As y'all may have already known from the Es and Fs on your report card, I consider attention to be a very important part of my class. This semester, your grades would be determined by a randomly selected, one question, oral exam. If y'all don' t give the answers I would give, then y'all would flunk... We have a new student in our class. Leonardo, which country did you say you were from?

2)The facilities are just a little un-hygienic
Example: You were trying to get the water fountain to work- without success. So you asked the janitor why.
Him: The toilets and water fountains, and pipes and stuff are connected.
You:I thought, like, it's only the door of the restroom that's broken?
Him: Exactly, there's nobody to flush the toilet. Of course you can't drink water.
You: Never mind. I'll get a soda

3)Some of the classes are a bit penny-pinching
Example: For Arts&Crafts, you have to work in a hot, smelly, chemical-ridden place with poor lighting called a weatshop

4)The school isn't too safe
Example: You were walking down a hallway when somebody told you that you were in the Dead Rabbit's Gang territory. You didn't take him seriously until he pulled a cylindrical, silver device with a trigger and a safety(conveniently off). You were about to get panicked when some other dude came around and argued that the third floor west wing belonged to them. They started making extremely intelligent arguments.
Guy 2: You guys are gonna be as dead as a rabbit if you don't move!
Guy 1: Oh, yeah?! You dudes are as yellow as a tiger before I even bring my gun up!Hee-Haw!
The guy not holding a silver thingy drew out a knife. Only it probably wasn't a vegetable knife. It looked kinda like a vegetable knife, but it's a lot longer. Oh, and it looks sharper, has a jeweled hilt, and two edges.
You decided to make a break for it before things really starts to get violent

5)The temperature has minor problems
Example: Whenever you get excited, something pools at your feet. Turns out increased expiration causes more carbon dioxide. At your school's temperature, more carbon dioxide=more dry ice

6)The classes aren't too easy
Example: Please turn to page 55. The question is : If y squared n+5 times the abosolute value of x prime divide by pi and..... I think you guys would have to read the remaining ten pages of the equation by yourself...

The Poll

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As you guys may have already noticed, the poll has already ended for several weeks but I didn't delete or change it(Because I'm lazy). Anyway, since I'm deleting it today here's the results(for future reference):

It's the greatest work of wrinting since... hey, you are number 1!-0 people
A work of art..a masterpiece in the making-3 people
I love it!-4 people
It's good. Not great, but good-0 people
So-so-2 people
Just one word for it:Lousy-1 person

I've seen worse. But then again, I work as an English teacher in the school for the criminally insane-1 person
There are two major types of WMD's in the world, Nukes and your blog. For the sake of world peace, let's destroy both!-1 person

Conclusion:
The voters include:
3 extremely intelligent people with very good taste,
4 smart people with good taste,
2 average people,
1 guy who doesn't know how to use the dictionary,
1 guy who has a really lousy job and deserves it and
1 Lith



To be fair, my analysis might not be overwhelmingly impartial and objective.

1

50th post

Finally, through rain and hail, Sun and Java, I've got to the 50th post! Yipee!Woo-Hoo!*Celebrates by jumping for 100 times*


Anyway, the great deed wouldn't have been possible without:
Andy- We give each other more ideas than he could count(To be fair, he's not exactly Archimedes). Anyway, without Andy's help, a lot of my posts wouldn't be as funny as they are.

Lith-Thanks to his constructive comments(which reminds me of Einstein's teachers), I re-discovered so much about human nature

Yuanmashita- Just by existing, he managed to do the following:
1) Give me a role model to base sadism on.
2)Proved that Darwin's wrong in at least one occasion
3)Redifined the meaning of evil

Last(but not not least), all of you(I mean that sincerely). Without people constantly reading my posts and giving constructive feedback(sometimes without the constructive part), I doubt I'll have the determination to maintain the quality and quantity of my posts.

I'll write more but my neighbor's shouting about "some idiot stamping". Gotta go.

Yet Another Intelligent debate

Note: This is a true story occurring in the forums of Norron
Me:Check out my blog here:http://blogofanerd.blogspot.com
Lith:Why?
Me:Because I'm bored and thought it would be cool to see the comments people make?
Gusto:I was bored enough to take the bait. Big mistake. I came to a site that periodically tried to bother me with pop ups. Lame. I hope I'll never have to teach the criminally insane, but it does seem like a better idea than ever again clicking on some random blog link on the internet.
Me:Lol. sorry about that.
Lith:Ah, blogs, the arsehole of the internet. The true and final expression of talentless hacks who have nothing better to do than throw their personal lives in front of as many people as they can get to listen. It is the land of depraved grammar, irreverent spelling, and teenage angst gone wild.

There, you wanted a comment?
Me:I didn't have grammar problems!
Lith:Oh, now you're just asking me to dig up some grammar problems: Right on the first line:
"Here are some more conversations;"
Should be a colon, not a semicolon. That was easy ;)
Ed:Shameless elitist condemnation is typically my forte. Aside from that, weren't you conscripted by Nathan to serve as the official Hawaiian Flower Lei liaison to this forum? You know-- flower in your hair, grass skirt, flower garland at the ready to festoon an arriving tourist with?
Lith:Oh, don't underestimate my elitist condemnation abilities. I just prefer not to alienate most people - just those who specifically ask for it. As to the welcoming committee deal, I think you're a little confused on the matter. I'm not here to welcome people with garlands, I'm here to show them the door with a nice ironclad boot when it's called for.
Isis:*hands everyone flowers and hums Let's go to San Francisco*
Me: Why am I slightly offended?

Another Intelligent Debate

Note: A real tag-board based story. Also, I'm talking about Ryan S., not Ryan You, just to clear things up.



Today there was a few arguments between Ryan and a few other dudes.
Here is the first one:
Aul-Eirelav to Evanoid:Good luck with your posting for the college bro!
Ryan:Why the heck do we need luck with our posting? Unless u dont meet the score.
Evanoid:Hey don't bully my sis. Don't tick her off too. Mind ur own business dode.
Ryan:I am not ticking her off you fool! Get your English terms right.
Evanoid:I did not say the wolrd "luck". Tell that to her.
Aul-Eirelav:ITS JUST A TERM YOU DODOBIRD. It just means all the best, and if you know me well enough, you will know that I don't believe in some freaking luck. I don't need it.
Ryan:In the first place dont wish people luck if u dont believe it. You are contradicting yourself.
Evanoid:Hey Gentleman Ryan, Please let my sister, so LET in to her, do not quarrel MEN. If u are truly a gentleman.
Aul-Eirelav:Are you ****(Oh use your imagination) or what?
Ryan:Hehehe no vulgar please young lady. I can't be bothered to argue anymore.
(Just then a pretty girl who happened to be a friend of Evanoid and Eirelav came by.)
Pretty Girl:Ahhh... an english/grammar war.
Ryan to the girl:Oh hi!
Aul-Eirelav:Wah! My friend came and you started acting Gentleman. Me scared? Pooey!
Ryan:Huh????
Girl:Er Hi.
Aul-Eirelav:Oh, your english must be too bad that you can't even understand. 'Poor' thing.
Ryan:Nope it just so happens that your implications are false.
Aul-Eirelav:I don't make false implications.
Ryan to girl:Your little friend wants to have a debate with me.
Aul-Eirelav:I'm older than her. I didn't know u failed maths.
Ryan(snickering):Really? Its not noticeable but anyway I'm busy. Sorry lady.
Evanoid:Ahhhhh!!!! I am caught in a battle! Please settle it! Ryan, if you are busy then why are u here?
Girl:Yeah, Aul's older than me. And you 2... debating?
Ryan:Ya sure its Aul who loses her cool and starts vulgar haha. I am busy so bye!
Aul-Eirelav:Don't call me "Aul"'. Everyone can call me that except for dodobirds, nosey people and quarrelsome people. You're all of the above.
Ryan:Quarrelsome? Look who's talking here. U are really tempting me to continue.
Girl:Oh My God! When will this quarrel end?! Ahhh. SAVE. ME.
Ryan:Its supposedly ended.
Aul-Eirelav:Yay! You admitted defeat. I won!!!!
Girl:It did better be.
Ryan(smiling at her):Yea
Aul-Eirelav:Yawn! I'm going with Evanoid now to camp.
Girl to Ryan:Come with me.
Conclusion: Evanoid has PERFECT English. Aul-Eirelav is the best debater. Who gives a shit on a debater's personal life? It is usually not included in Logical debates. Ryan likes to debate on extremely important stuff And I do believe that the word gentleman is a old-fashioned male term and it means A man who is polite and well educated, who has excellent manners and behaves well(and a basic sign of cortesy in restroom stalls). I didn't know that the mordern version of gentleman is actually a sissy who gets pushed around by women and actually "LETS IN" to them.

An Intelligent Debate

Note:Based on a true event happening in Yugoslavia:

Ryan, Evanoid and Anelisa chatting"intelligently"
Evanoid and Anelisa were chatting about something dumb and both laughed like monkeys.
Ryan:Erm....Anel-
Anelisa:You'll probably planning to say something witty in the fotile attempt to persuade me that intellect is more important than looks.
Ryan:Erm...actuall-
Anelisa:WELL I'LL TELL YOU THAT I DO NOT BELIEVE IN YOUR RUBBISH!!!!!!!!!
Evanoid:Yoah! My gf and I are talking about private stuff!! Get outta here!!!
Me(who was standing by):Ermmm...you two are REALLY intimate with each other. Private problems apparently include Graphic default 'impurities' in The Sims.
Evanoid:Shuddup!! My persanoal life is n00ne of your bzwax. You are just jealous.
Me(walking away):Never mind. I'm gonna look for signs of possible intellect elsewhere.
Evanoid:You son of a @#$%^&*(Imagination of reader required). Go AWAY AND DIE!!!!
Ryan:Erm...I-
Anelisa:If you think you could help your nerdy friend make an argument, you're WRONG!!!!!!!!Mwahahahahah!!!!!!!
Ryan:Actually, I was going to ask if you own a Vaio laptop. Because I've noticed it in the 'Lost and Found' section.
Anelisa:Oh......


Later on....
Me:And you STILL asked her for a date?


Conclusion:I sure as heck hope Karen(not her real name) isn't like Anelisa. I don't think she is, but hey. 'cause if she is, I've got a serious problem.

Halloween Dreams

My English teacher asked as to write a short essay about Halloween. I was thinking and thinking and thought of this...

Yesterday, doing Halloween, I pretty much didn't do anything to celebrate it. I slept quite early, not to mention peacefully. Well, it would have been peaceful if I didn't continually dreamed of being hunted by Yuanmashita's ghost. (Yes, I know he's still alive. A mere technicality). Anyway, the point is, I woke up covered in cold sweat, glad to realize it's only a nightmare.

Or at least i would be, except I just noticed a dark figure standing in front of me. Arrrgggh. I almost screamed. Dark Figure:"Gee, you are a easily frightened guy. Relax. I'm harmless." Me: "What the ---- are you doing in my house?" Him: "That's what people of my profession do." Me: "You are a burglar?" Him:" Nice guess. Vampire actually. Count von Uninteligente", at your service. He held out a hand. I ignored it. "So what are you doing here?" I asked. Him: "I require your assistance." Me:"In what form." Him:"I require bodily fluids for my regular feeding habits. In other words, I need to suck your blood. Don't worry, it's painless." Me: "Would I become a vampire if you start...dining?" Him: "A possible, but unlikely side effect." Me:"I heard that vamps can't play com-" Him:"True. the radiation kills us." Me:"Forget it." Him: "I'm afraid that's not an option." He smiled a, erm, vampric smile. It showed all his 32 canines. I ran through a tunnel.(Don't ask me why there's a tunnel in my house). I ran and ran and ran and r- oops, dead end.. The vampire came bearing down on me. I opened my mouth to scream. He opened his mouth too, but for different reasons. He leaped to my side and -

I woke up. For real this time. I was in my English classroom, dozing off. I checked the clock. We only have three minutes left to finish the essay. In retrospect, I prefer vampires and zombies instead of modern horrors of Halloween.