Friday, September 21, 2007
SATs
So anyway, I couldn't fill out all of the requirements(wonder why) so I had to try again. Anyway, two months later, my new grades had good news and bad news. Good news and bad news. Good news:I got 1400 points this time. Bad news: It's upon 2400. So anyway, I bought a book called "SAT s for dummies." The dude said something on the lines of follow your instincts of "consistency is everything."
So anyway, I tried again and I couldn't get the first Question. So I skipped it. And of course, I followed that dude's advice.
And he made me get a the lowest possible score. D@#$
Thursday, September 20, 2007
ENS laptop tech support
ENS Tech Support
FAQs
Q:How to reboot?
A:Turn upside down and shake.
Q:How to shut-down my laptop?
A:Turn upside down and shake.
Q:How to delete the website on my computer?
A:Turn upside down and shake.
Q:How to delete irreverent software?
A:Turn upside down and shake.
Q:How to save?
A:Don't turn upside down and shake.
Q:How to lock my computer?
A:Buy a combination lock.
Q:How to improve the graphics of my laptop?
A:Improve your drawing
Saturday, September 15, 2007
The Ten Commandments of the Holy Order
Qoute-“It was, of course, a lie what you read about my religious convictions, a lie which is being systematically repeated. I do not believe in a personal God and I have never denied this but have expressed it clearly. If something is in me which can be called religious then it is the unbounded admiration for the structure of the world so far as our science can reveal it.”Albert Einstein
So without further ado, allow me to introduce the commandments of Chuananity
1.I am the Lord thy god of Chuananity, thy holy religion of the internet, through which the highest organisms are connected and revel in near infinite power
2. Thou shalt have no other god before me
3. This is the holiest words, thy words writ in Pentium. Thou shalt have no other website before this
4. On the days of choice, thy may wish to work. But between Monday and Sunday, each day holy in their own right, thou needth not work and may prefer religious activities
5. It is the impartial and absolute part of a pact with god, that thou shalt not physically harm others in any way whatsoever. Hacking and cracking in terms are considered to be acceptable practices.
6. All humans are equal, but the worshipers of Chuananity are more equal than others.
7. One of the highest crimes is to injure or otherwise maul the God of Chuananity and his prophets. Hacking the Holy Blog is the ultimate sin, and punishable with infinite spam upon seven generations by the God
8. Thou shalt not harm nor betray thy online friends
9. Thou shalt not waste time of pleasure for the sake of religious practices not deemed worthy on this blog
10. The words of God are Just and True, and upholding them are secondary only if the said upholding has direct impact with human or computer lives.
Chuananity
For those of you who don't know me very well(that's you and about six billion other people on this planet),(in part) to prevent the onslaught of freaking tele-priests(that's religious tele-marketers) tryings to get me to order books like Bible-the Very New testament, I created my own religion, Chuananity. It's main goal is to worship the most holiest of God's creations, namely computers.
Comment
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
The Casiocracy I
I rarely write philosophical blogs. But I wanted to cater to a soapiscated audience, and besides, I got this idea for a long time. So I'll start writing about a crappy country called s __-Erm, "Utopia"
Utopia's a strange country. At the surface, the stuff you will see in boring statistical lessons, it's great. Good environmental control, lack of racism, high GDP increases, one of the safest city-states in
It's so great that most people forget the, erm, subtle signs, lack of true democratic selection, world's highest death-penalty, and complete(absolute) lack of privacy.
A lot of countries, most notably (in terms of GDP), the United States of America, seems, to a certain extent, copy the certain country's "miserable excuse of f#$% logic" as some philosopher most have said it some time in the past
(to be continued)
Ads-think you are living in "heaven". Fell like a canary in a golden cage. Feel like
your life's super boring? Contact "Crimes R Us" and dial 9 for "target practice". Jobs come with lifetime warranty! And even life insurance!*
*we get paid if you die
News
Quote:News is telling people what they expect to read plus some commercials no one whats to read-Random philosopher
Here's a completely reliable piece of news I found on the web:
This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-microsecond misinformation.
11 September 2007
KANDAHAR, Afghanistan -- Sony's Blu-ray DVD scored a point today as Al Qaida's media arm announced that Osama bin Laden's next video will be released exclusively in that format. The terrorist mastermind apparently opted for Blue-Ray over the competing HD DVD technology, a posting on an extremist website claimed.
The next video is due out later today, on the sixth anniversary of the 9/11 attacks, and only days after bin Laden's latest rambling monologue was broadcast. Previous releases by the Al Qaida leadership have been audio-only, or at best on VHS or standard DVDs. The move to high definition promises to usher in a new era for terrorist propaganda. "All the fine details of our leader's newly black-colored beard will be clearly visible," boasted an Al Qaida website.
The United States immediately condemned this latest move by bin Laden, and the White House announced all of its official video releases will be in the competing HD-DVD format. President Bush himself went as far as to declare that "our administration will only support American technology," despite the fact that both Blu-ray and HD-DVDs were developed by Japanese companies.
Sony, the company that developed Blu-ray DVDs, had a mixed reaction to bin Laden's announcement. The firm doesn't want to be associated with terrorism, but a spokesperson acknowledged that they "hope this publicity will help increase our lackluster Playstation 3 sales." Consumers though were skeptical, with shopper Joe Schmoe commenting, "I'm just gonna watch the video on Al Jazeera - who cares if I don't see bin Laden's lush eyebrows in their full high definition glory."
Asked what the Al Qaida leader will talk about in his new video, a Taliban spokesman was vague, replying only that "the message will largely be similar to his old rants - you know, death to the infidels, convert to Islam, yada, yada, yada. What's most important is that viewers will be able to see bin Laden's facial expression in crystal-clear Blu-ray DVD format." He went on to add that Al Qaida is "just beginning" its foray into modern video technology, with the next project set to be filmed in IMAX. "It will feature panoramic vistas of the beautiful Waziristan region of Pakistan," excitedly concluded the spokesman.
DVD Extras: -Bin Laden teaches how to dye your beard. -Music Video: Allah LALALA! -and many more...
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Sunday, September 9, 2007
Quiz: Are you a com nerd?
Take this quiz:
1. Do you like this blog?
a)What's a blog?
b)no
c)yes
d)You still use html blogs?jerk
2.What do you do when you see a website you don't like?
a)SCREAM and shut down the computer!
b)Press the 'x' thingy
c)Tell the website-writer/programmer that his site sucks
d) Hack the server and delete the site
3.If you get a e-mail that tells you that you won a million dollars, what do you do?
a)What's a e-mail?
b)Buy a BMW and a mansion or something
c)Put the mail in the 'spam' folder
d)Take it as permission to 'borrow' the cash from the bank account of whoever sent the
message
4. What's your computer specifications?
a) black and rectangular-ish
b)Windows XP, supports some games
c)(specifics)
d)Why should I trust my most private information with you?
5.If you were informed that a airplane crashed into one of America's largest buildings and killed 3,000 people, what would be your first reaction?
a)SCREAM!!
b)Kinda sad, but kinda glad no one near me died, y'know?
c)big deal
d)WHAT??? INTERNET CONNECTION SLOWED DOWN BY TWO% BECAUSE A STUPID
EXPLOSION DESTROYED ONE OF THE SERVERS???!!
6.At parties, people
a)love me
b)average, I guess
c)Shove a skunk down me
d)People??!!What's people?
7.Moss grows on...
a)On my garden
b)On my bathtub
c)on my teeth
d)Moss?Is that a new invention?
8.What's wrong with the following sentence?
Bill Gates earned his 52.0 bilion by being a complete arsehole
a) Who's Bill?
b)you misspelled billion
c)You are off. He earned 53.0 billion
d)Don't @^%& insult my idol!!!
Markings:
0 points for each (a) answer.
1 point for each (b) answer
2 points for each 'c' answer
4 points for each (d) answer
0-5:You don't know anything about coms. Good luck getting a job in microsoft!
6-10:Know what's a com, albeit barely
11-19:You are a genuinue nerd
20-27:You use the com way too much. Although they may be a chore, eating and sleeping(in moderation) is scientifically proven to be healthy.
28-30:You cheated
Ads:Need a computer fast? Contact our company now for $200 dollar ENS laptops. ENS are guaranteed to never crash or exceed 1 pound in weight! So what are you waiting for? Call us now and order!
New Home
In America,(as in any other country I could think of), home is an essential part of life.
So, it's kinda necessary to rent one. So I did. The selected apartment is Georgestown South*, which is chosen for it's old-fashioned(but very-clean) carpeting and lights.
Tuesday, September 4, 2007
Real-time posting
For those of you who still don't get it, my posts are not in RTP(real-time posting). I just randomly think up of stuff that happened within 12 months that are funny and post it.Simple as that.
Computers and the God of Chuananity
My friend(Andy's) computer seems to mal-function all the time. So he asked for help from the God of Chuananity. I told him he needed to pay tribute first. He said he'll let me live if I don't $%^& check out his com. I decided that would serve as suitable tribute.
I checked his com. It seems a little weird. First time I ever seen someone using blueteeth to contact phones. Or Window Media Player. He told me they are all pre-installed. For fun, I decided to check out the games he had. They included Sis Meir's CivIV and Counterstruck as well as The Younger Scrolls III-Marrowind and Varcraft III-Freezing Throne. The names sound vaguely recognizable.Wonder why.
Anyway, I checked his com's specifications. Again, alien but somewhat recognizable names. I went to his "ran" window to run the virus checker.Didn't work. I tried to use his "Window Task Executive" to delete contaminated files but that didn't work either.
So what would any holy man do when faced with a problem beyond his scientific expertise? Mutter random words and sprinkle holy water, of course. So that's what I did. I told Andy that the God of Chuananity would bless him on September 31st.
Not my proudest moment
Ads
If you have any lawsuits against the would-be ads, feel free to contact me at from.the.desk.of.andy@gmail.com
If you feel like $%^& kill me for the @#$% stupid ads, call me at 911(in America), 12345678 n china, or whatever is your local equivalent.
Monday, September 3, 2007
Religions
A religion is defined, in the broadest sense, as a belief without proof. Which seems kind of self-contradictory to me. Why would anyone believe that a holy man walks on water or gets carried by a flying horse? Or re-incarnated from a caterpillar or have holy gum on his Nike sneakers?
Okay, maybe I just threw in the last one there for fun. Still, believing something without proof(like Jesus or the afterlife) seems rather illogical to me.I'll write more complicated proofs in the future but right now I'm kinda bored.
Feel free to comment.