Last-minute Election Post

Note: Obviously, it wasn't posted the last minute before the election. Actually, that was the original intention. However, it soon became apparent that the average voter isn't exactly very intelligent. I'll probably never forgive myself if somebody actually take my blog seriously and changed his mind one way or another...

Quotes: "You can fool all the people some of the time and you can fool some of the people all the time, but you can't fool all the people all the time."- A popular quote attributed to Abraham Lincoln. 

Note 2: Lincoln never said that. 

As anybody who isn't a blonde airhead living in an imaginary sweet sixteen partydom in an imaginary  world called MTV knows, we're gonna have the elections tomorrow. And elections have a tendency to back-fire. So here I will post, as is my sworn duty, to educate the american people so that they will make intelligent, informed, decisions on how to vote in the best possible way to serve both their own individual interests and the collective American interest as a nation.....

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!

 

Oops. Sorry, couldn't resist.  At any rate, here's my take on the following candidates: 

Obama bin Ladin, I mean, Osama bin Ladin, I mean, Osama Biden, I mean, Barack Hussein Obama, I mean, hey, I actually got it right this time!!w00t!

OK, he's the presidential hopeful and the most likely victor. He's also practically a black horse(no racist puns intended) and has a middle name remarkably similar to a guy executed a coupla years ago...  I mean, seriously, you could talk about the finer points of politics and complete and utter change all you want, but that doesn't change the fact that unless you change your name, it sound so much like a terrorist who want to completely and utterly change the American people as well!!! Yeah, I know, all the "change" words are confusing. And that's another thing I have to nitpick with Obama: if I have change every time barrack(I mean Barack) says change, I'll be the world's richest billionaire, not to mention to world's greatest net exporter of nickel and zinc... 

Unfunny jokes aside, there's really not much you know about this guy. While experience isn't so important in this job as other far more experience-qualified jobs(like stonemasonery and prostitution), you gotta understand that a single term in the Senate honestly doesn't qualify you to be president. Of course, Barrack's strategem is "Judgement over Experience" and I fully respect that. After all, it's the idiots who are experienced at doing crappy stuff that got the country into the mess in the first place. And face it, experience at doing crap doesn't make you go to the bathroom less. 

Quite the opposite in effect. 

That said, quite a few of Obama's plans are doomed to disaster. For instance, his health care is practically a recipe for disaster. Not only is it extraordinarily expensive and bound to contain expensive loopholes that insurance companies and hospitals are certain to exploit, the very principle is unsound. You are effectively and essentially removing an incentive to stay healthy. In addition, his plan for taxing rich people prob. wouldn't work. The rich stayed rich not by giving money to every thief who calls himself IRS but by not getting taxed. Obama said he's gonna revamp the tax code. I sure as heck hope that he means revamp for the better, cause if the alternative holds true and he gets elected, it's a scary world out there.... 

McCain(no puns there, unless you go back to the times of Abel and Cain, which is just about a few years before McCain's time) 

Obama is only maybe 7 percentage points ahead of McCain, which, according to McCain's supporters, mean that McCain practically already won. All you have to do is vote for him!!

So who is McCain??

Well, McCain is just your average 72-year old plain Joe.  He led a pretty boring life(his mom was a stay-at-home one and his dad was merely a humble 4-star admiral). He was a vet in some wars, and just like the humble average guy, was merely a escaped PoW who resisted extreme torture. Afterwards, he led a pretty boring life as a 22-year senator and a maverick, constantly walking up, down and across the aisle because he has nothing better to do. Oh, and he married a hot woman 20 years younger than him who is also a millionaire, just like the humble man he is. 

I know this might sounds like bias and age-discrimination but McCain's just a tad old. Have you watched the Lord of the Rings?You know the little guy, the really important one, who destroyed the One Ring in the end? Yeah, what's with all the keen experiences in the White House, that's what McCain's gonna look like in 4 years if he gets elected.

No, not Frodo. The Gollum, only balder and with a lousier fashion sense. And if that isn't enough, he picked Palin!!!Palin, I tell ya!! She's the governor of Alaska!!! I mean, I'll be cool if McCain's job is managing reindeer and she's his backup in case he died, but I honestly doubt she has the ability to manage far dumber animals, as she would if McCain met with the guy in black that he managed to avoid the last few decades. 

Nope, not James Bond. Sorry, ladies. At any rate, McCain isn't that bad 4 years ago(I remember both Bush and Kerry quoted him in their speeches), but senility seems to settle in and McCain is getting more and more republican, and thus out of touch with the non-SuperChristian world, which is kinda sad. 

In conclusion, both candidates suck, so rather than picking the lesser of two evils, don't vote. I'm not a citizen so I can't vote anyway...

At least, not directly. 

Note:Obama won. No surprises there...