Weeding out the Morons(cont.)

Okay, to cont, my Weeding out the Morons post, I'll choose a few of the subtler jokes. Feel free to check if you get it.

For instance, did you get the footnote two posts ago?

-*So maybe I'll never be Stephen King. Big deal. -

Think about it.

Now, the expected thing for me to write in the footnote is jokes about.... affection, but that's, well, expected. Instead, I the joke was that I'll never write a horror story*

  Now, here's a test to see how many of my jokes you could get.  I'll use Re-entering the US 

as an example.  I copied the posts below and put a numbered each joke(number is inserted after the jokes). Obviously, I'll forget 1 or 2, either because I honestly don't know, it was only a half-joke, or it was so common, the joke's hardly worth mentioning. And of course, not all of the jokes listed will be funny to everyone. In fact, if you even get half of them(and liked more than 10 percent of those you get), I'll be more than satisfied. 

Okay, so after an extremely extended visit in China, I'm flying back to the U.S. Which should have been pretty cool, but it isn't. Really. For starters, my plane ticket isn't a straight flight. It's from Beijing to Tokyo to Detroit to Washington D.C. For enders, our trip coincided with an international terrorist alert(1). In other words, not the most efficient flight(s) I've been in(2). Really.

In Beijing, we were called for a random security check. Four men in full-black suits searched our suitcases for an exhausting 11 minutes and 17 seconds(Yes. I timed it.)(3) One of them seems particularly interested in my DVDs (conveniently bought at some place called "Li's Black Market")(4). I could just guess what he was thinking. I mentally steeled myself for the questionnaire by going through what he may say in advance.

Guy(holding up a DVD):What's that?(5)
Me:It's a DVD

Guy:Our policy does not allow this type of C-(6)

Just then, another black suited guy came up and had a whispered conference with the first one. From what I could hear, it seems a heated debate.(7)
Guy:Like I said, Our policy does not allow this type of C(8)-*discreet coughing from the other guy*, I mean DVDs.

Me:What type?

Him:Harmful, dangerous material(9).
Me:How is that dangerous?It's Tom&Jerry(10), for god's sake.

Him:Religion Alert(11)!!!
Me:Oops. So what?
Him:Your passport says that you're a freethinker. Never mention God's name if you are not a believer. It shows disrespect to him.
Me:I object! God doesn't exist! Besides, you're supposed to be impartial
Him:Oh, re-
(A lightning bolt hit a tree only two feet away from the nearest window)(12)
Me:O....k. I hereby withdraw my objection.(13)

Him:Good. Now, back to the main point: Your CD clearly contains dangerous materials(14).
Me:How so?
Him:Let's see...intense violence(15), disrespect for figures of authority(16), events going against the order of nature(17), the small triumphing over the strong(18), possibility of bird flu through un-licensed, stray, illegal dogs(19*), a made-in-china sign over a defective mouse trap(20) ...the list just goes on and on.
Me:It's just a cartoon
Him: So what? Anyway, your CD-
Other Guy:whispers something angrily in chinese.

They had a heated discussion in private. I decided to use the time to make myself scarce.

(Hear concludes Part 1. The highlights of Part 2 includes overpriced water in Tokyo and Customs+Security check in Detroit. Keep tuned!)

*To tell you the truth, I never get why anyone would like Stephen King. His plots are so predictable,  a mouse could chew through the front cover and poop out the epilogue.