Utopia-Customs un-official

Note that this is a collaboration post that continues the story told in here


Why the ****(oh, use your imagination) does Andy have to drive the car????Of all the people in the world, why do I have to get the most incompetent driver in the universe??? It's kind of scary when you consider that he probably broke down every single traffic rule in existence(never driver the wrong way in a one-way road, never drive on two lanes, never go over 110mph in a 20-year old car, never go past red lights when the light is already red for over two minutes, just to name a few). It's ridiculous. And terrifying. Within ten minutes, I'm shutting my eyes and hoping that, by some miracle, I'll survive. Within 15, I revised my hope to a quick death.

I guess I must have gotten asleep, because we were already in California's international airport when Andy woke me up(not directly. it was the collision that done it). As for how we could have covered a 3-day journey during the time of my nap, I do not want to know. Really. It's just a little bit intimidating.

On the bright side, both of us got out of the car before it transformed from transportation machine into nuclear furnace. Lucky us. Then we had to go past customs. (We had different lines so I had no idea how his went). Anyway, the dude at the checkpoint stopped me. He said, "I heard the US customs official stopped you on alleged terrorist charges." Me:"Kinda" Him: "This is serious." Me: "Gee, do you think? But he was an incompetent excuse of a customs official" Him: So what do you Koreans want to do in Utopia? Bomb Borgia Tech?
Here we go again......

Fortunately, after a lot of useless words, the conversation came to this:
Him:Are you a insane homeland-terrorist serial killer?
Me:As I said the first couple hundred times, no.
Him: Then why are you Korean??
Me:I'm F@ckiing Chinese!!!!
Him:Right.
Me:Fine. fine. I'm, a terrorist. happy?
Him: Okay. You could go now.
Me: Huh?
Him: Our local government has a very strong anti-terrorist stance. if there aren't at least a few terrorists stirring up stuff, they might potentially lose an re-election.

Besides that, the process went smoothly until I was walking to the pre-appointed place to meet Andy.

A slick-looking guy with a counterfeit tuxedo, a suitcase in one hand and a brochure in the other stopped me. "Well, well, sir. You look like an intelligent man. Do you know how dangerous planes are?." He waved the brochure under my nose "Perhaps you'd like to purchase our premium health insurance policy??"

I was about to refuse. But they I thought of our trip to California. If that's the amount of damage one idiot could do with a car, imagine the effect of an incompetent airplane pilot. I reached for the brochure. Him: Just one minor question before we start. What airline do you use? Me: Ermmm...Deathtrap Airlines
Quick as a snake, he snatched the brochure from my hand. "I can't insure them!" he screeched, "They are the worst!!"

I walked away and shrugged, consoling myself that there wouldn't be any dangers. While walking, I slipped and fell. Hard. Not a very auspicious beginning.

Over(Or not. Your call)